Cold and Blue and Lifeless
by xgossamerstars
Summary: Every night I think of ways to get back at you...rip into your chest and tear out your heart...how did I ever fall for you? Kagome hating.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha, nor 'Cold and Blue and Lifeless' by Bayside. I do, however, own this story. Plagiarizers, you have been warned.**

**A/N: Please keep in mind that I never write InuxKik. Ever. I am not a fan of the pairing. At all. The idea for this fic came to me in the form of the song 'Cold and Blue and Lifeless' by Bayside. Once I wrote the songfic, I felt the need to elaborate, and elaborate I have.**

Inuyasha sat alone, gazing into the small fire he had made. He wasn't even sure why he had made it--habit, he guessed. The monk and the demon slayer had finally left him alone a few days ago, seeing that he was not going to speak. Feh, it had taken them long enough--what was the point in speaking now? Kagome would never come back. He didn't need to make it any more real to himself by opening his mouth and saying it. Not only was she never coming back, neither was Kikyou.

Inuyasha snarled and gnashed his fangs. Never seeing Kagome again wouldn't bother him, if he had had the time to get his fangs and claws into her before she sealed the well. Never seeing Kikyou would hurt; it would hurt worse than it had the first time, because he knew that he'd been wrong to abandon her, wrong to let himself fall in love with her reincarnation. No one ever should have replaced Kikyou, and Inuyasha had come so close to letting Kagome do it.

Though it had been weeks since it happened, Inuyasha could not stop replaying the episode in his mind, from the seemingly innocent beginning to the bloody end.

_**FLASHBACK.**_

He could smell her, and Kagome knew it.

Of course, Inuyasha had always known that Kagome could sense when he was about to visit Kikyou. If the scent of her shikigami came near, he had always took off as quickly as he could---once, to spite him, Kagome had surmised that if he always ran that fast, he might be able to beat Kouga one day.

Inuyasha had allowed her this insult, because he was insulting her more by running away to Kikyou. He had only nodded his head in comment and kept on his way, leaping above the treetops to search for the quiet, undead priestess.

He always found her, and she always smiled at him. Kikyou had seldom smiled even when she was alive; it was a joy to Inuyasha that she would smile for him, even when she knew that his affections were shifting to her reincarnation. She would even ask after the girl, to make sure she was growing as she should as a priestess.

Only this time, something was different.

Kikyou behaved the same as she always did; no, it had been Kagome that worried him. She had been unusually cheerful all day, even when Inuyasha had begun to sniff the air and look around--telltale signs that he had sensed Kikyou. (If it had been Naraku, or Kouga, or anyone else for that matter, the detection of the scent would have been accompanied by an expletive or two.) She hadn't even seemed upset when he took off that night, and usually she was on the brink of tears. No, this time Kagome had remained cheerful...very cheerful. Smug, even...

He soon found out the reason for Kagome's smugness.

As he stood with Kikyou, quietly discussing the younger miko, Inuyasha knew it was time to tell her. He knew that it was time he broke free of Kikyou, and told her what he meant to do--that he meant to make Kagome his mate--his wife, if she wanted--and that he could no longer come see her like this. It upset the other girl too much. He had no doubt Kikyou would understand, for she cared for the girl too, though she showed it little.

He chose a lull in the conversation to begin his speech.

"Kikyou..." his voice was low and he found that he couldn't look her in the eyes. "Kikyou...I didn't come here only to see you tonight. I came here to tell you that...that I'm through. I came to tell you that I can't see you anymore. It hurts Kagome too much for me to bear, and I can't hide my feelings for her any longer. I love Kagome, Kikyou...do you understand?"

He had only had enough time to register the hurt behind her smile when her face contorted, her body jerked, and she fell forward into his arms. He caught her, more reflex than concern, and stared at the arrow protruding from her back.

Kagome's arrow.

He tore his eyes from the bewildering sight in front of him and raised them upward. Not fifty yards away, on a small, grassy hillock, stood Kagome, her bow still held high, her blue eyes shining in poorly concealed hatred.

The first though to cross Inuyasha's mind was that it must be another sick prank of Naraku's, some disgusting plan he had conjured up to torment the hanyou. Kagome would never do something so malicious, so cruel, so disgusting...not his Kagome.

Yet there she stood, for almost a full minute before taking off into the forest towards the Bone Eater's Well.

Inuyasha dropped Kikyou's body--it was quickly crumbling back to the clay and graveside dirt that it had been forged from. "Forgive me, Kikyou," he murmured, and leapt after Kagome.

His leaping soon overtook her running and he caught her by the shoulder. His voice was more hurt than angry when he spoke.

"Kagome-chan...why?"

When she looked up him, he could hardly believe that this was Kagome--her face was so twisted by anger and hatred that it was no longer hers, it was no longer the beautiful face of the gentle miko he had once known. It was ugly, and it frightened him.

"Why? I hated her, Inuyasha. I hated her with every fiber of my being, and I hate you more for loving her." her voice was scathing, acidic; it could have shaken Naraku.

"But I didn't lover her, Kagome," he said blankly, still unable to fathom what she had done. "I love you."

"No, you don't," she retorted. "You think you love me, Inuyasha, but what have I ever been to you except a replacement for what you lost? Kikyou was no better than a zombie; I suppose her reincarnation was convenient to have around, wasn't it? I won't let myself be used by you any more, Inuyasha. I won't let myself be used by you or anyone else."

Inuyasha's grip on her shoulders tightened until he felt he was going to draw blood. "I loved you, Kagome...I loved you, before I knew you were capable of something like this."

She laughed--what cruel laughter!--and snapped, "I don't believe you for a second, Inuyasha. You will never love me like you loved Kikyou, and I could will love you like Kikyou loved you."

"No, I don't suppose you will, wench," he snarled, "You won't live to."

He had raised his claw--the words 'Iron Reaver Soul Stealer' were on the tip of his tongue--but something hard met with his face, something hard and sharp, and there was the sound of shattering. He flinched away instinctively, and that one moment was enough for Kagome to take off again. He glanced at the ground--the shards of the Shikon no Tama lay at his feet, and he found he didn't care. He wiped the blood from his face that the shattering glass bottle had brought on, and cursing Kami for yet another cruel twist of fate, he took off after Kagome, intent on revenge.

_**END FLASHBACK.**_

He had wanted so badly to kill her, to see her eyes staring up from her corpse, cold and blue and lifeless. How did he ever fall for her? Every night he thought of ways to get back at her; hold a pillow over her face, rip into her chest and tear out her heart. Would she even bleed like him? He bet she did--and he now had an insatiable desire for her blood.

The irony of it was, he would never have it. The accursed miko had sealed the well, and his plunge into it had only brought him to the rocky bottom. She was gone now, out of his reach...he wouldn't see her for another five hundred years.

Somewhere along the way, Inuyasha had discarded Tessaiga. He found he no longer gave a damn whether Naraku completed the Shikon no Tama or not. He found that he no longer gave a damn about anything. Now, as he sat there, thinking only of his anger, it soon became all he thought of--it soon consumed him--it soon was his only hold on life.

He could wait five hundred years. In the meantime, he would kill whatever crossed his path.

_Cold and Blue and Lifeless by Bayside_

_Do you know that every night I think of ways to get back at you?  
Sneak into you room, put a pillow over your face, suffocate you  
Rip into your chest and tear out your heart  
To see you bleed like I do  
I bet you do_

_Trippin' over my words and now you're trippin' on me isn't that funny?  
Couldn't you just laugh until you choke, I wish you would  
And your face could match your eyes, cold and blue and lifeless,  
How did I ever fall for you? _

_Do you know that every night I think of ways that I could spite you  
Call me when you're dead,  
Or you can finally live with yourself,  
Consider this a favor,  
Consider this..._

**A/N: So there you have it. Kagome lovers can come kill me now (as long as you don't flame). I feel as if I have betrayed someone, by writing this fic, but the idea wouldn't leave me alone. Please let it be known...I AM NOT A INUXKIK SHIPPER...just a humble author trying to get an idea out of her head.**


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